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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
a friend of mine was bored the other day and she wrote a idiots guide to cleaning your car and how to keep your partner happy at the same time lol all credit goes to her (althought she does drive a vxr corsa, no one is perfect)

Step One
Quietly creep out of bed and get dressed...Highly important not wake your other half at this stage, could lead to the whole car cleaning idea going out the window and that dreaded trip to the shops happening instead.

Step Two
Wash car using the two bucket method and rinse.
At this point I dry my window's before starting to clay.
Clay car
Re Wash and wash wheels
Dry whole car.
I find it helps to dry the car, then slam all the doors and the boot to help get any water out of the door sills etc.(however if your bedroom window is above where you are washing the car the slamming of the doors' can be skipped as this can lead to missiles being launched at you by your other half out of the window)
If you are wanting to throughly clean your alloys you will need to take them off the car.
Wash throughly and then clay bar. I set my alloy's on a towel to stop them from being scratched on the ground and then once clayed i dry and then apply a sealant to protect them from break dust etc clinging to them as much in future. Make sure you dont use the guest towels for this, it wont go down well at all and may prevent from future nag free car cleaning. (If your not too sure which ones are the guest towels they are the ones that the last time you used one after changing the oil in the car and stained you had to spend the next week grovelling even if you didnt know what you where saying sorry for or they're the ones that are nicely folded and gathering dust.)
While you have your wheels off you can power hose your arches before cleaning them and then dress with AG Engine bay cleaner, this bring them up nice and black again and helps prevent the dirt from sticking as much in future.

Step Three
Wash out sponge and buckets and tidy all car cleaning equipment away for next time.

Step Four
Now if your like me you'll be completely soaking at this stage. Stand on the doormat as soon as you get in the door(never stray from the mat trust me!), take your shoes and socks off and roll your trouser's up to your knees, I can't stress how much your other half will not appreciate your wet mucky footprints the whole way through the house and up the stairs. So your standing on the door mat looking like your about to go for a paddle at the beach, leave your shoes on the mat and head upstairs to get changed, remembering to put all your wet clothes in the washing basket. Hopefully your other half will be out of bed and downstairs watching tele so you can safely enter the bedroom to get changed.

Step Five
Come down stairs again and put your shoes outside the door to keep them out of the way.
Put the Kettle on (I will explain why in a minute) Check that you have not left any footprints in the house anywhere, no matter how tiny the marks they will be noticed and clean up.(Don't use the tea towel for this!)
Ok so all footprints cleaned up using cleaning equipment approved by other half, make a 2 cups of tea. Take your other half a cup of tea and biscuit and tell them how beautiful they are looking this morning...even if they are watching tv in that dressing gown you hate and haven't brushed their hair or put their make up on yet.

Step Six
You now should have bought yourself enough time to starting waxing the car.
Quickly run round the car with your drying cloth to make sure there are no more water marks on the car first.
Using a clean microfiber cloth apply Autoglym super resin polish to the car and then buff off using a clean microfiber cloth.
This will help fill in little swirl marks if you do not have a DA polisher and also polishes the car before waxing.
Apply wax in circular motions, leave to cure and then buff off, hopefully to a brilliant shine.
Blacken tyres.
Use bumper care on any black bumpers.
Clean the rubber bits of the door sills using vinyl and rubber care.
Hoover out car and clean the interior.

Step Seven
Clear away all you car cleaning stuff so it's easy to find for the next time.
Make yourself and other half another cup of tea.

There you have it, a simple guide to a fantastic looking car and nag free car cleaning.
 

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10/10

Will give it a go this Saturday.

Have been planning a days car cleaning for sometime now....................but it's been either freezing cold or raining, or I have been 'mugged' into going to the shops


Think the kettle will get it a bit more attention than the guide offers though
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
ill let her know you guys like it. to be honest i was never great at cleaning my car and she got me into it. spend the last 3 days doing bits and pieces and its all her fault lol
 

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Excellent read!

Last week I followed a similar strategy to that above but I used the tea towel to clean the muck on the tiled floor ( i walked through the hallway with the dirty shoes still ON!) Bad idea.....


After the
which seemed to last ages, I softly uttered the words,"I did clean your car as well".

All I can say is putty in my hands!
 

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All I can say is putty in my hands!
The wonders of rohypnol...!

Hahaha - last weekend I got up at just before 6am to get outside and get cracking - needless to say this guide was a godsend, though did involve a cup of tea every 30 minutes!! (and a box set of Brothers & Sisters to keep her from realising...!)
 

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Good write up,wife has own car for shopping and makes me coffee while iam cleaning, just got to watch she doesn't nick my cloths and polishing cloths she thinks iam sad anyway,so do the neborourghs but who cares
 

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Blimey how often do you do all that? Mine's only seen a clay bar twice in it's life!
I was going to wash it today, but I may take it down to tescos ?
 

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a friend of mine was bored the other day and she wrote a idiots guide to cleaning your car and how to keep your partner happy at the same time lol all credit goes to her (althought she does drive a vxr corsa, no one is perfect)

Step One
Quietly creep out of bed and get dressed...Highly important not wake your other half at this stage, could lead to the whole car cleaning idea going out the window and that dreaded trip to the shops happening instead.

Step Two
Wash car using the two bucket method and rinse.
At this point I dry my window's before starting to clay.
Clay car
Re Wash and wash wheels
Dry whole car.
I find it helps to dry the car, then slam all the doors and the boot to help get any water out of the door sills etc.(however if your bedroom window is above where you are washing the car the slamming of the doors' can be skipped as this can lead to missiles being launched at you by your other half out of the window)
If you are wanting to throughly clean your alloys you will need to take them off the car.
Wash throughly and then clay bar. I set my alloy's on a towel to stop them from being scratched on the ground and then once clayed i dry and then apply a sealant to protect them from break dust etc clinging to them as much in future. Make sure you dont use the guest towels for this, it wont go down well at all and may prevent from future nag free car cleaning. (If your not too sure which ones are the guest towels they are the ones that the last time you used one after changing the oil in the car and stained you had to spend the next week grovelling even if you didnt know what you where saying sorry for or they're the ones that are nicely folded and gathering dust.)
While you have your wheels off you can power hose your arches before cleaning them and then dress with AG Engine bay cleaner, this bring them up nice and black again and helps prevent the dirt from sticking as much in future.

Step Three
Wash out sponge and buckets and tidy all car cleaning equipment away for next time.

Step Four
Now if your like me you'll be completely soaking at this stage. Stand on the doormat as soon as you get in the door(never stray from the mat trust me!), take your shoes and socks off and roll your trouser's up to your knees, I can't stress how much your other half will not appreciate your wet mucky footprints the whole way through the house and up the stairs. So your standing on the door mat looking like your about to go for a paddle at the beach, leave your shoes on the mat and head upstairs to get changed, remembering to put all your wet clothes in the washing basket. Hopefully your other half will be out of bed and downstairs watching tele so you can safely enter the bedroom to get changed.

Step Five
Come down stairs again and put your shoes outside the door to keep them out of the way.
Put the Kettle on (I will explain why in a minute) Check that you have not left any footprints in the house anywhere, no matter how tiny the marks they will be noticed and clean up.(Don't use the tea towel for this!)
Ok so all footprints cleaned up using cleaning equipment approved by other half, make a 2 cups of tea. Take your other half a cup of tea and biscuit and tell them how beautiful they are looking this morning...even if they are watching tv in that dressing gown you hate and haven't brushed their hair or put their make up on yet.

Step Six
You now should have bought yourself enough time to starting waxing the car.
Quickly run round the car with your drying cloth to make sure there are no more water marks on the car first.
Using a clean microfiber cloth apply Autoglym super resin polish to the car and then buff off using a clean microfiber cloth.
This will help fill in little swirl marks if you do not have a DA polisher and also polishes the car before waxing.
Apply wax in circular motions, leave to cure and then buff off, hopefully to a brilliant shine.
Blacken tyres.
Use bumper care on any black bumpers.
Clean the rubber bits of the door sills using vinyl and rubber care.
Hoover out car and clean the interior.

Step Seven
Clear away all you car cleaning stuff so it's easy to find for the next time.
Make yourself and other half another cup of tea.

There you have it, a simple guide to a fantastic looking car and nag free car cleaning.
Good read that is, sounds like we all live in the same house!
The Mechanic
 

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I have a very diferent appproach, stay in bed the wife brings me a nice cup of tea, get up have a mooch at the papers. Jump in the car, drive 500 yards to the Kosovars, chuck them the keys and go and have a cuppa and *** with the boss in there. 20 minutes later they say its ready, give them money climb in, go home pick up wife and child, whisk them off for some lunch, leave them in town to shop and go and have a nice little snooze on the sofa. Everyone is happy!
 
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